...And our final in the series of "Open Letters" to the candidates.
Dear Gary Johnson,
I like your slogan and can happily inform you that I did, indeed, feel the Johnson between 915a and 930am. I allowed my friend, Leigh, to feel it from 11p and 1140pm in the interest of Reagan's supply side economics policy. The first time was rather anticlimactic as I suspect the Fox reboot of Lethal Weapon will be.
Hey, did you hear anything about a poison bowl of Skittles going around? I heard something about it from Donald Junior's Twitter page.
I'm amazed by how notable celebrity types can put their foot in the mouth at 140 or less characters. It usually takes five or six-hundred words for me to accomplish such a feat.
Anyway, on to my real question...Who ARE you?
I saw your interview segment on 60 Minutes but I honestly thought it was a sketch from the Daily Show.
(I'll pause here for our readers to YouTube it)
This is what people in my line of business call making the reader work for the joke punchline. It's how we weed out the lazy people.
Anyway, I hope that they reconsider and allow you to join the debates, mainly because I'd like to hear you tell Hill an Don to feel the Johnson. THAT'S reality TV. Plus I've seen The Trump show (guest starring Hillary) program for over a year and it could be fun spicing it up like television network executives often do...as evidenced by bringing Jada Pinkett Smith back from the dead on Gotham.
I also think it would be fun if they provided firearms to each candidate AND the moderator. My money is on Lester Holt. Nothing against Anderson Cooper or anything.
Good luck Gary. By the way, could you just forward this to candidate Jill Stein? I'm on a bit of a tight deadline.
Regards,
James Patrick
Copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved
Visit us on Facebook below:
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10211090003472464&id=1427467876
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Monday, September 19, 2016
Climbing The HILLary
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10211077194632251&id=1427467876
Cough on some babies, shake some hands and dig in for part two in our series of open letters to the candidates.
I saw a poll which indicated that if the election were held today, Donald Trump holds a slight lead over Hillary Clinton.
My extrapolation of these poll numbers is that if the election were held today it would be the first time in history that a presidential election has been held in September...plus or minus 3 points, of course.
Dear Hillary,
I'm writing to see if you dislike The Falcons as much as me. Understanding that you need Georgia, I know that you can't answer that question.
Also, I'm checking to see if you need anything. Clearly you want my vote but I was thinking more along the lines of something from Walgreens-- where the savings NEVER end--
This week's specials include: chicken soup, a neti pot, a new VP running mate, a "Basket of Deplorables" and Gummie Worms. I hear Bernie is still available by the way but, according to him, he's not for sale.
You might try CVS Health/Pharmacy-- they have an impressive corporate health care business model-- they'll still charge $8,000 for a prescription BUT, they no longer sell cigarettes.
They'll also sell a bag of Cheetos, beer, 9-thousand calorie snack cakes and a box of wine...But, a wine drenched night never hurt anyone...unless you were on a date with Ted Kennedy.
By the way, according to the corporate website, CVS Pharmacy is "...Fighting Opioid Abuse With Technology."
I assume this means that they're using armed drones like Arnold Schwarzenegger from the future to kill the street dealers plying their trade three blocks from my house.
I, as Bernie pointed out, am tired of hearing about the emails...primarily because the "Cloud" photo hack produced many more things of interest to me... such as nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence.
I've enjoyed watching the political process in action throughout the summer since my favorite programs were airing reruns and, no matter how this thing turns out in November for either you or your opponent, I hold great, unwavering faith in our political process.
Regards,
James Patrick
Paraiso, Costa Rica
Copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved
Cough on some babies, shake some hands and dig in for part two in our series of open letters to the candidates.
I saw a poll which indicated that if the election were held today, Donald Trump holds a slight lead over Hillary Clinton.
My extrapolation of these poll numbers is that if the election were held today it would be the first time in history that a presidential election has been held in September...plus or minus 3 points, of course.
Dear Hillary,
I'm writing to see if you dislike The Falcons as much as me. Understanding that you need Georgia, I know that you can't answer that question.
Also, I'm checking to see if you need anything. Clearly you want my vote but I was thinking more along the lines of something from Walgreens-- where the savings NEVER end--
This week's specials include: chicken soup, a neti pot, a new VP running mate, a "Basket of Deplorables" and Gummie Worms. I hear Bernie is still available by the way but, according to him, he's not for sale.
You might try CVS Health/Pharmacy-- they have an impressive corporate health care business model-- they'll still charge $8,000 for a prescription BUT, they no longer sell cigarettes.
They'll also sell a bag of Cheetos, beer, 9-thousand calorie snack cakes and a box of wine...But, a wine drenched night never hurt anyone...unless you were on a date with Ted Kennedy.
By the way, according to the corporate website, CVS Pharmacy is "...Fighting Opioid Abuse With Technology."
I assume this means that they're using armed drones like Arnold Schwarzenegger from the future to kill the street dealers plying their trade three blocks from my house.
I, as Bernie pointed out, am tired of hearing about the emails...primarily because the "Cloud" photo hack produced many more things of interest to me... such as nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence.
I've enjoyed watching the political process in action throughout the summer since my favorite programs were airing reruns and, no matter how this thing turns out in November for either you or your opponent, I hold great, unwavering faith in our political process.
Regards,
James Patrick
Paraiso, Costa Rica
Copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Trumpilicious
Part One of our "open letters" to the candidates will hopefully open a thoughtful dialogue to enlighten, calm your nerves and...land me on some sort of FBI watch list. First up...
P.O. Box Fabulous
Giant Gold Tower, Ny,Ny
Dear Mr. Trump
First of all, congratulations on your "...truly, excellent, amazingly phenomenal, Must See TV, make you want to blow up a country and then eat a steak, best ever recorded in the history of the world, make your head spin" health report. You must sleep in a bed made from kale and Emergen-C with a B-12 throw pillow.
Actually, your doctor seems much cooler than mine; even though my health is good, my doc never misses an opportunity to lecture me on small items such as: Everything.
I’m at my ideal weight and live a fairly healthy lifestyle-- with the exception of drinking, smoking, walking through bad neighborhoods at 2am, girlfriend selections, eating fried chicken, running with scissors, insulting a 230lb drunk obnoxious guy and flirting with the doc's daughter (who happens to be the receptionist.)
I had a taco salad for lunch today however which, I feel, offsets any unhealthy choices.
I substitute lettuce with spinach...and a five pound lobster. Either way, they're all harvested by migrant workers.
My doctor is Asian and she's worried about some of your proposals...specifically, all of them. I calmed her nerves by assuring that she and her daughter would likely be deported and/or executed.
The doc DID inform that cialis was not right for me...which I took as a compliment.
I like your commanding use of adjectives-- they add a level of excitement-- So I came up with a few of my own that you may feel free to use:
SpecTrumpular
Ivankalicious
Strategery (wait, that's taken)
MexiCant*
**(oops, that's likely an upcoming immigration policy moniker so we'll toss that one into the noun classification.) And...you're gonna love lobbing this adjective...
"Shillary"
It's a morph of shit and, well, you get the picture.
I'm writing on behalf of myself and our staff of unbiased, Facebook worshipping, sexually promiscuous non-partisan, undecided voters who desire some clarification, such as confirming that the 2016 campaign isn't a Lorne Michaels/Robert Smigel SNL film short.
I'm hoping that this letter finds you phenomenally, extraordinarily well.
By the way, I once dined at a restaurant in one of your casinos...
It was "Trumptious."
Regards,
James Patrick, et al
copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved
P.O. Box Fabulous
Giant Gold Tower, Ny,Ny
Dear Mr. Trump
First of all, congratulations on your "...truly, excellent, amazingly phenomenal, Must See TV, make you want to blow up a country and then eat a steak, best ever recorded in the history of the world, make your head spin" health report. You must sleep in a bed made from kale and Emergen-C with a B-12 throw pillow.
Actually, your doctor seems much cooler than mine; even though my health is good, my doc never misses an opportunity to lecture me on small items such as: Everything.
I’m at my ideal weight and live a fairly healthy lifestyle-- with the exception of drinking, smoking, walking through bad neighborhoods at 2am, girlfriend selections, eating fried chicken, running with scissors, insulting a 230lb drunk obnoxious guy and flirting with the doc's daughter (who happens to be the receptionist.)
I had a taco salad for lunch today however which, I feel, offsets any unhealthy choices.
I substitute lettuce with spinach...and a five pound lobster. Either way, they're all harvested by migrant workers.
My doctor is Asian and she's worried about some of your proposals...specifically, all of them. I calmed her nerves by assuring that she and her daughter would likely be deported and/or executed.
The doc DID inform that cialis was not right for me...which I took as a compliment.
I like your commanding use of adjectives-- they add a level of excitement-- So I came up with a few of my own that you may feel free to use:
SpecTrumpular
Ivankalicious
Strategery (wait, that's taken)
MexiCant*
**(oops, that's likely an upcoming immigration policy moniker so we'll toss that one into the noun classification.) And...you're gonna love lobbing this adjective...
"Shillary"
It's a morph of shit and, well, you get the picture.
I'm writing on behalf of myself and our staff of unbiased, Facebook worshipping, sexually promiscuous non-partisan, undecided voters who desire some clarification, such as confirming that the 2016 campaign isn't a Lorne Michaels/Robert Smigel SNL film short.
I'm hoping that this letter finds you phenomenally, extraordinarily well.
By the way, I once dined at a restaurant in one of your casinos...
It was "Trumptious."
Regards,
James Patrick, et al
copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved
Sunday, August 21, 2016
We Go Further, uh, Farther...uh, a Long Way
Always exciting to receive reader mail:
Dear Jim,
Help! A friend and I are debating the correct use of "further" vs. "farther."
Chandra, Nashville,TN.
From: James Patrick
Chandra,
That seems to be an action packed Thursday evening you have going there.
Teachers often use clever tricks to assist via association with our language. I.e.
HOMES= the Great Lakes
Roy G. Biv= colors of the spectrum
"My very educated mother just served us nine pizzas"= Planets of the solar system
(even though Pluto is now considered the bastard stepchild of the solar system.) So, now we're left in the dark about what mother served nine of to the kids.
Also, "educated" is not a word I'd associate with this mother. Child endangerment seems more appropriate. But that doesn't fit the solar system rote memorization lesson I suppose.
Likewise, who names their kid Roy G. Biv???
The Mickey Mouse song is used to teach the correct spelling of Albuquerque...for those who stay up late night fretting over how to correctly spell Albuquerque. (answer: people who NEVER have sex.)
Quite simply, further and farther are slowly becoming interchangeable in the English language...which makes it, in my opinion, bi-sexual.
Back to your question, an old school method to settle your electrifying Thursday night debate:
Farther= physical distance...or the mileage that people plan to move from the U.S. after the election
Further= non-physical (I.e. my sex life)
example: "I desperately tried to further an evening of sexual relations with Monica but she kept moving farther down the bar."
I feel strongly that I would've been a great elementary school teacher.
Regards,
Jim Patrick
Copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved.
Dear Jim,
Help! A friend and I are debating the correct use of "further" vs. "farther."
Chandra, Nashville,TN.
From: James Patrick
Chandra,
That seems to be an action packed Thursday evening you have going there.
Teachers often use clever tricks to assist via association with our language. I.e.
HOMES= the Great Lakes
Roy G. Biv= colors of the spectrum
"My very educated mother just served us nine pizzas"= Planets of the solar system
(even though Pluto is now considered the bastard stepchild of the solar system.) So, now we're left in the dark about what mother served nine of to the kids.
Also, "educated" is not a word I'd associate with this mother. Child endangerment seems more appropriate. But that doesn't fit the solar system rote memorization lesson I suppose.
Likewise, who names their kid Roy G. Biv???
The Mickey Mouse song is used to teach the correct spelling of Albuquerque...for those who stay up late night fretting over how to correctly spell Albuquerque. (answer: people who NEVER have sex.)
Quite simply, further and farther are slowly becoming interchangeable in the English language...which makes it, in my opinion, bi-sexual.
Back to your question, an old school method to settle your electrifying Thursday night debate:
Farther= physical distance...or the mileage that people plan to move from the U.S. after the election
Further= non-physical (I.e. my sex life)
example: "I desperately tried to further an evening of sexual relations with Monica but she kept moving farther down the bar."
I feel strongly that I would've been a great elementary school teacher.
Regards,
Jim Patrick
Copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved.
Sunday, August 14, 2016
OMG...A Selfish, uh, Selfie
I'm nothing if not a team player/employee. So, here's a feel-good, optimistic interlude for one of our markets titled:
"I'm Being Forced To Write This...And, My Cat Died."
It's time to aim the white hot spotlight on those wacky people who camp out on the text and social media landscape-- specifically-- the folks who, helpfully, tell us who to vote for while sharing scrumptious dinner photographs.
I've always held curious fascination toward those who snap photos of their food and post it to FaceSnatch; it's entertaining.
Leading psychologists (from top universities) have a theory on this topic:
Research suggests that (their words, not mine) "...photographing food and posting to social media indicates early stages of clinical insanity." NOOOO WAY! Seriously? These people are about to elect a new president...and other dangerous stuff like driving and procreating.
By the way, university scholars know a thing or two about insanity...It's called Beer Pong...and the student loan program.
Let's take a look at what the foodie paparazzi have to say via actual social media survey participants:
"I do it to get people to join me for a meal."
"To make lasting memories."
"To know what I'm putting in my body."
"Because it's fun."
"People like to see it."
"Because I'm narcissistic"*
**not an actual survey response
We'll just go ahead and score a win for team psychology/Sally Mae/Budweiser.
My friends are astutely aware of my strong disinterest toward food pics in that, when I receive one, I politely send a text pic of a turd in my toilet bowl with a sprinkle of basil...and my dead cat-- I'm, of course, kidding-- I would never snap a pic of a dead cat.
I've been fortunate enough in life to enjoy some of the best mac n cheese ever created, courtesy of my mom, grandmothers and even my dad, but I hold no desire to clog my in-box with pictures of it...I do something crazier with my food...I EAT it thus saving valuable folder space for pornhub pics.
Another favorite--and I'm not being a word snob-- is the txt abbreviation:
fml csffh hktwu.,&$@:":... WTF? ttyl, fuk off... omw. LOL. (:
At Pontchartrain Press we use complete words and sentences in our communication.
I also understand why text abbreviation is sometimes valid...such as clever tactics in throwing off a federal government sting operation.
Amanda Port, Leigh, Todd, Mike Klein (the editor) and I share the same account at the company...primarily, I suspect, facilitating their ability to change my password when they become nervous about my writing.
My favorite is the online pronouncement of a romance in bloom which is splashed across the screen for all to view...
Kim: Bestessss bf in the world. xoxxoo @Chris who fixed the bestessss dinner ever, and re-shingled my house while giving CPR to an unconscious nun.
(Kim is in a relationship with Chris)
Chris: Fun nite with a perfect gurl...
(Chris is in a relationship with Kim)
Three months later...
Kim: I don't understand why some people are Douche bags! ugh.
Chris: I don't understand why some people are filthy whores!
(Chris went from being in a relationship to Single)
Kim: (is single)
In the words of the great Satchmo...What a virtual world!
We're taking our summer break but plan to return in late September with open letters to the presidential candidates... and a fantastic eggplant parmesan recipe.
ed. note: No cats were harmed in the making of this article.
copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved
Link:
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10210725986852276&id=1427467876
"I'm Being Forced To Write This...And, My Cat Died."
It's time to aim the white hot spotlight on those wacky people who camp out on the text and social media landscape-- specifically-- the folks who, helpfully, tell us who to vote for while sharing scrumptious dinner photographs.
I've always held curious fascination toward those who snap photos of their food and post it to FaceSnatch; it's entertaining.
Leading psychologists (from top universities) have a theory on this topic:
Research suggests that (their words, not mine) "...photographing food and posting to social media indicates early stages of clinical insanity." NOOOO WAY! Seriously? These people are about to elect a new president...and other dangerous stuff like driving and procreating.
By the way, university scholars know a thing or two about insanity...It's called Beer Pong...and the student loan program.
Let's take a look at what the foodie paparazzi have to say via actual social media survey participants:
"I do it to get people to join me for a meal."
"To make lasting memories."
"To know what I'm putting in my body."
"Because it's fun."
"People like to see it."
"Because I'm narcissistic"*
**not an actual survey response
We'll just go ahead and score a win for team psychology/Sally Mae/Budweiser.
My friends are astutely aware of my strong disinterest toward food pics in that, when I receive one, I politely send a text pic of a turd in my toilet bowl with a sprinkle of basil...and my dead cat-- I'm, of course, kidding-- I would never snap a pic of a dead cat.
I've been fortunate enough in life to enjoy some of the best mac n cheese ever created, courtesy of my mom, grandmothers and even my dad, but I hold no desire to clog my in-box with pictures of it...I do something crazier with my food...I EAT it thus saving valuable folder space for pornhub pics.
Another favorite--and I'm not being a word snob-- is the txt abbreviation:
fml csffh hktwu.,&$@:":... WTF? ttyl, fuk off... omw. LOL. (:
At Pontchartrain Press we use complete words and sentences in our communication.
I also understand why text abbreviation is sometimes valid...such as clever tactics in throwing off a federal government sting operation.
Amanda Port, Leigh, Todd, Mike Klein (the editor) and I share the same account at the company...primarily, I suspect, facilitating their ability to change my password when they become nervous about my writing.
My favorite is the online pronouncement of a romance in bloom which is splashed across the screen for all to view...
Kim: Bestessss bf in the world. xoxxoo @Chris who fixed the bestessss dinner ever, and re-shingled my house while giving CPR to an unconscious nun.
(Kim is in a relationship with Chris)
Chris: Fun nite with a perfect gurl...
(Chris is in a relationship with Kim)
Three months later...
Kim: I don't understand why some people are Douche bags! ugh.
Chris: I don't understand why some people are filthy whores!
(Chris went from being in a relationship to Single)
Kim: (is single)
In the words of the great Satchmo...What a virtual world!
We're taking our summer break but plan to return in late September with open letters to the presidential candidates... and a fantastic eggplant parmesan recipe.
ed. note: No cats were harmed in the making of this article.
copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved
Link:
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10210725986852276&id=1427467876
Thursday, August 11, 2016
Hooked On Kardashionics
Fun Facebook picture companion version...
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10210701972371929&id=1427467876
A nice email experience with Mike Klein, the editor regarding my interaction with reader mail:
From: Mike
Seriously? Please be nice in answering reader mail; This is a Loyola student in New Orleans.
From: James Patrick
I try not to speak with people in general...especially aspiring lawyers. Btw, To which piece are u referring to? Notice that my previous sentence is riddled with grammatical imperfections. I'm willing to bet that you just had a stroke.
Which mail dispatch was bad? I've lost interest...I meant count.
From: Mike Klein
THIS one:
reader mail From: Kristin
"Hey Jim. Is there a writer who makes u laugh
and what are you doing Sunday night?"
From: Jim
"Judy Bloom makes me laugh.
As for Sunday night plans, I'm somewhat alarmed by that question but I'll likely prepare a roasted Turkey avocado wrap with jalapeno, watch a late night rerun of the hilarious Steve Harvey program and cry myself to sleep on my living room floor."
TO: Kristin
From: Jim Patrick
cc: Mike Klein
Greetings, Kristin,
Sorry for, what might have seemed, a flippant response. I, of course, do not watch the Steve Harvey show.
To answer your question, my favorite writing and broadcast influences come from people who are much more talented than I could possibly possibly be in two lifetimes:
My father
The late Tom Snyder
Letterman
Aaron Sorkin
A brilliant Aussie/ viral internet genius, David Thorne
And...the inimitable works from Dave Barry at the Miami Herald.
I'm somewhat influenced by Kim Kardashian and Carson Daly...but I reserve that writing style exclusively for special pieces.
Regards,
Jim
Copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10210701972371929&id=1427467876
A nice email experience with Mike Klein, the editor regarding my interaction with reader mail:
From: Mike
Seriously? Please be nice in answering reader mail; This is a Loyola student in New Orleans.
From: James Patrick
I try not to speak with people in general...especially aspiring lawyers. Btw, To which piece are u referring to? Notice that my previous sentence is riddled with grammatical imperfections. I'm willing to bet that you just had a stroke.
Which mail dispatch was bad? I've lost interest...I meant count.
From: Mike Klein
THIS one:
reader mail From: Kristin
"Hey Jim. Is there a writer who makes u laugh
and what are you doing Sunday night?"
From: Jim
"Judy Bloom makes me laugh.
As for Sunday night plans, I'm somewhat alarmed by that question but I'll likely prepare a roasted Turkey avocado wrap with jalapeno, watch a late night rerun of the hilarious Steve Harvey program and cry myself to sleep on my living room floor."
TO: Kristin
From: Jim Patrick
cc: Mike Klein
Greetings, Kristin,
Sorry for, what might have seemed, a flippant response. I, of course, do not watch the Steve Harvey show.
To answer your question, my favorite writing and broadcast influences come from people who are much more talented than I could possibly possibly be in two lifetimes:
My father
The late Tom Snyder
Letterman
Aaron Sorkin
A brilliant Aussie/ viral internet genius, David Thorne
And...the inimitable works from Dave Barry at the Miami Herald.
I'm somewhat influenced by Kim Kardashian and Carson Daly...but I reserve that writing style exclusively for special pieces.
Regards,
Jim
Copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved
Saturday, August 6, 2016
Undatable
To get the full effect of this article, with a fun photo, visit our miserable Facebook page...
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1081218581931418&id=124761937577092
Last in our series titled "We Swear These Are Real Dating Sites."
We stumbled upon a site which is dedicated to guys whose loving moms tirelessly exhaust effort in finding Ms. Right for their sons. We're not allowed to publish the site name, which likely saves these poor guys what little dignity remains...enjoy.
James Patrick has entered chat
Jim: Looking for someone to binge watch the Olympics with me... Anyone?
Ashley has entered:
I think ure on the wrong site. This is moms with single sons date site.
Jim:
Yeah, my mom is no longer with us...so I'm on my own without a "wing mom."
Ashley:
Sorry to hear that. How long since she passed?
Jim:
Oh, she didn't pass; She ran off with a guy named Lou. He's in charge of the Big Door Factory...or something like that-- He got a job transfer-- perhaps to be in charge of a bigger door at the factory.
Ashley:
Wait, huh? Is this for real??
Jim: I don't completely understand it either, Ash. I figure that his company should install several smaller doors, thus creating more jobs in order to "Make America's Doors BIG Again."® At any rate, mom seems happy, unlike me.
Ashley:
LOL. What are you unhappy about?
Jim: At the moment, my profile pic on this site.
Ashley:
It's a dark blank frame?
Jim:
It was supposed to be a pic of my penis but I couldn't figure out how to make my phone flash work.
Ashley: HA! u would've gotten booted btw.
Jim:
So, have YOU secured any dates with guys whose moms seem to be pimping them out?
Ashley:
No, I'm just sort of like a greeter & moderator. Your profile info is pretty empty btw...you'll have better match ups with more info...You have any hobbies.
Jim: I study cause and effect of Oedipus complex which makes this a perfect dating site.
Ashley:
Very funny. Seriously...hobbies???
Jim:
I spend my downtime collecting bright blue bottles...and worshipping the Lord Jesus Christ.
Admin message+
Your trial membership has expired. Please visit the link below for exclusive member dating options.
And, there you have it. Still single until I successfully find a BIG door number three dating website. Undatable.com seems not to exist...
copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved.
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1081218581931418&id=124761937577092
Last in our series titled "We Swear These Are Real Dating Sites."
We stumbled upon a site which is dedicated to guys whose loving moms tirelessly exhaust effort in finding Ms. Right for their sons. We're not allowed to publish the site name, which likely saves these poor guys what little dignity remains...enjoy.
James Patrick has entered chat
Jim: Looking for someone to binge watch the Olympics with me... Anyone?
Ashley has entered:
I think ure on the wrong site. This is moms with single sons date site.
Jim:
Yeah, my mom is no longer with us...so I'm on my own without a "wing mom."
Ashley:
Sorry to hear that. How long since she passed?
Jim:
Oh, she didn't pass; She ran off with a guy named Lou. He's in charge of the Big Door Factory...or something like that-- He got a job transfer-- perhaps to be in charge of a bigger door at the factory.
Ashley:
Wait, huh? Is this for real??
Jim: I don't completely understand it either, Ash. I figure that his company should install several smaller doors, thus creating more jobs in order to "Make America's Doors BIG Again."® At any rate, mom seems happy, unlike me.
Ashley:
LOL. What are you unhappy about?
Jim: At the moment, my profile pic on this site.
Ashley:
It's a dark blank frame?
Jim:
It was supposed to be a pic of my penis but I couldn't figure out how to make my phone flash work.
Ashley: HA! u would've gotten booted btw.
Jim:
So, have YOU secured any dates with guys whose moms seem to be pimping them out?
Ashley:
No, I'm just sort of like a greeter & moderator. Your profile info is pretty empty btw...you'll have better match ups with more info...You have any hobbies.
Jim: I study cause and effect of Oedipus complex which makes this a perfect dating site.
Ashley:
Very funny. Seriously...hobbies???
Jim:
I spend my downtime collecting bright blue bottles...and worshipping the Lord Jesus Christ.
Admin message+
Your trial membership has expired. Please visit the link below for exclusive member dating options.
And, there you have it. Still single until I successfully find a BIG door number three dating website. Undatable.com seems not to exist...
copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved.
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