Over the past couple of weeks a few of my friends asked: “Why haven’t you written anything about the oil spill?” A couple of them seemed rather shocked- I’m rather shocked that the few friends didn’t ask to borrow my car and return it with zero gas.
Just like everyone else, I’ve caught the wall to wall television, print and online coverage. I’ve interviewed a United States Senator, a couple of Congressmen and I even did a broadcast story from the NOAA boat, “Thomas Jefferson”, which continues to provide scientific data to aid in dealing with the worst oil disaster in our nation’s history.
The answer is, I don’t want to write about it- there are plenty of other people doing so. Several are doing it well while others are cashing in.
A few days ago I privately slipped away and saw the oil for myself…first hand. So, I’m aware of the fact that the Gulf of Mexico is slowly turning into an enormous drip pan as 37-million plus gallons of oil has already leaked- that number is rising with each passing second.
My blabberings are typically lighthearted and I really can’t find much lightheartedness when I see pictures of the coastline, the delicate wetlands- which serve as a buffer for violent storms and is a critical habitat for wildlife. And then there’s the heartbreaking AP photos of birds looking as though they came out of a Willie Wonka assembly line.
Note to the Louisiana Brown Pelican: I’m sure that the people responsible for this spill fully realize that you came back from the brink of extinction and have recently been removed from the endangered species list. They’re probably doing all that they can, now that those pictures are out there. However, my feathered friends, those who know, understand and love you- especially the fishermen who have long appreciated your assistance in spotting fish- are taking charge and pitching in just to make sure these people do the right thing.
Before I continue to NOT write about this topic, I see where President Obama is ready to “kick someone’s ass.” I vote that he start with Vice President Biden, mainly because I think it would be hilarious. Even though he's out of office, I'm fairly confident that no one would object to Mayor Nagin getting his ass whipped either- just for general principle.
The President made the "Ass kick" statement to Matt Lauer during a recent NBC interview. Personally, I also wish Mr. Obama would kick Matt Lauer’s ass…but that’s just for selfish reasons. Now that I think about it, I probably could use a good ass kicking.
I’m sure that Dick Cheney’s ass needs kicking also, since he seems to be blamed for everything that has gone afoul since the pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock.
If the President is looking to add names to his deserved “kick” list I suspect that you might find individuals within our own government and some U.S. contractors high atop that executive order.
If you aren’t aware, at present, the federal government has issued a 6-month moratorium on offshore drilling. (Note to the families and communities who are feeling the devastating effects from the oil spill, hang on for round two...all 40-thousand of you).
Let‘s review: Because of a political and business climate (Spanning BOTH sides of the political aisle, for DECADES) which nurtured backroom, good ol’ boy deals, an admittedly failed Federal oversight and scads of officials looking the other way, a second blow will be delivered to those who work to supply about 30% of the nation’s oil.
Not to mention that they do their jobs in order to do silly things with their paychecks like shopping, eating, living, paying taxes, stimulating and reinforcing economic and strategic national growth & security and all of that other nonsense.
It occurs to me that the only “asses” being kicked are those of the hard working men and women in the gulf coast oil and fishing industry, our wetlands and the wildlife therein. And Matt Lauer STILL isn’t on the “ass-kick” list…anywhere. Where’s Katie Couric?
I saw where BP CEO Tony Hayward’s family needs 24-hour protection. That’s sad to me as well. His wife and two children had nothing to do with this.
As for Tony? Only time will tell as the investigation continues. I think that, when all is said and done, we’ll find that he helmed a company with a truckload of managers and vendors who reek of complicity in this disaster. But, he’s the captain of the boat, so it rests at his feet.
So far he appears to be guilty of allowing those tasked with his company’s initial response to remain employed. His lieutenants downplayed the initial impact data and he, personally, has made several public relations gaffes. In my opinion, he clearly is in over his head.
While the Feds initially ceded jurisdiction to BP, the state of Louisiana was repeatedly stalled by BP as the Governor begged for them to step aside and let the gulf states do what they know how to do. Louisiana pleaded with the federal government to let the state jump in and get to work, unfettered, sooner.
Meanwhile BP assured that this incident would not rise to catastrophe level. It was almost as if the Feds and BP employed the “maybe it will go away” stance- a tactic which NEVER works. I tried it in college with my rent payment, guess what? My strategy didn’t work out so well.
It wasn’t until a week or so after the spill until a group of researchers told the nation that the initial numbers were off…considerably. The numbers skew is a maneuver that was frequently unearthed by my ex where our bank account was concerned.
I’d purchase some sort of latest and greatest gadget or appliance and, when asked about the cost, I did what any fiscally responsible man would do…I rounded it down by about a hundred or so dollars. But the numbers eventually catch up to you- usually when your check card is declined in front of a bunch of co-workers.
Speaking of numbers, BP has allocated more than 50-million dollars for an epic “We’re sorry and we’re making it right” campaign. Don’t fault them…it’s prudent strategy which is built into most corporate budgets & planning outlines.
Yes, if Hayward showed up in front of news cameras he could easily get the same message out, but then the company doesn’t control the message. It becomes an open media circus, leaving room for error in keeping the pitch-man “on message." This is why I always HATED conducting PR for politicians. They can do a 30-second commercial (after about 80-thousand out-takes) but put them in front of reporters and it’s a whole new ballgame- especially when they‘re under duress.
It’s normal that elevated tensions prompt immediate thoughts of violence toward BP, et al. It won’t solve a thing, I assure you. However, while Obama seems eager to display his physical prowess, it would be entertaining to see he and Tony Hayward in a meeting on the royal blue carpet at the Oval Office:
Obama: Tony, what the hell’s goin’ on at BP? Who’s to blame??
Hayward: We’re trying to locate Dick Cheney, that bastard!! In the meantime, you have my deepest regrets; we’re working hard on it. I want my life back.
Obama: How bout’ I kick your ass?
Hayward: Mr. President, I assure you that we are doing all- AAARGH…
Obama: (Lunges over the desk and wrestles Hayward to the ground in a sleeper hold, wrapping the telephone cord around Tony‘s neck)
Hayward: Mr. President, I can’t…I…I can’t breathe!!!!
Obama: Yeah, neither can those dead Pelicans sissy-boy! (The President then tosses Hayward through the French doors onto the portico- like in one of those old Burt Reynolds movies)
I’m not a violent person, mainly because almost anyone can beat me up. I’m a big fan of old fashioned punishment. In this case…EXILE. The stuff from which novels are created. It’s an effective incentive in the animal and insect kingdom- some remote tribes still use this practice. Of course they also eat one another from time to time.
I’m not talking about anything elaborate…just a simple, low key banishment. We could put all who were complicit in this disaster on a rocket and shoot them into outer space. Now THAT’S exile, 21st century style!
There’s always risk in doing your job- some professions carry larger risks and pitfalls than others. Mine is an irritating, ingratiating boss…and carpal tunnel (as if I needed another example to make me feel like a giant sissy) By the way, I‘m adding my over-editing boss to Obama‘s “Ass-kick“ list.
Finally, eleven people lost their lives at the outset of this disaster. I can only hope that their families somehow, soon, find peace in the aftermath of their terrible loss.
There IS good news. The spirit, determination, ingenuity and sense of “being” runs strong in Louisiana, throughout the gulf coast…and throughout these United States of America. Keep your eyes open and you’ll notice that much of the world stands strongly with us during tragedy as well.
This is how our country was built and it’s expressly why you’ll see ordinary citizens wield hammer and nail, helping a neighbor to rebuild after an earthquake, a flood, a hurricane a fire or a tornado. I’d call these people anything but ordinary. I call them dutiful and compassionate.
Nah…enough people are writing and documenting this chapter of American history, and so, this is why I won’t be writing at all about the oil spill.
copyright Pontchartrain Press 2010
