Something absolutely horrible happened in my world this week. Aside from learning that Lindsey Lohan failed her latest drug test and now may have to serve 30-days in jail, I temporarily lost my cell phone for most of the day! What if Lindsey tries to call??
Unfortunately, text messages continue to pile up…whether you hold possession of your phone or not.
Msg from Lisa: Hey…sorry I haven’t called in a while…hope ure doin well. Hey, can I borrow your car this afternoon??
Msg from Pete: We’re grilling tonight and watchin the game if u wanna come by dude
Msg from Haylee: Hey there. I had fun hangin out last nite : )
Msg from Pete: Oh, if u do come by, can you swing by and pick up some extra beer and a couple bags of ice? Thx!!
Msg from Bob: Hey I don‘t have my laptop. Can you check to see if Steve Guttenberg is on an infomercial with Chuck Norris about the Total Gym Fitness Center? Me and John are at the bar and I have a bet with him! He says I’m wrong
Msg from Lisa: Not sure if u got my last txt…can I borrow your car this afternoon?? My boyfriend Jonathan only has a seg-way. Plus, he’s working late at the beauty salon today. Hope ure doin okay. Ure not mad that I’m dating someone Ru???
Msg from John B: Bob is full of shit. I know everything there is to know about Steve Guttenberg. Cocoon is one of my favorite movies of all time. The only commercial he’s been in was a cola commercial. He was NEVER in an infomercial.
Msg from Haylee: So I’d like to hang out again…maybe later this weekend if ure free. Maybe go check out that sushi bar on Carrollton?? Lemme know
Msg from Pete: BTW…now Craig needs a ride home if you come over. He’s pretty drunk. He was off work today.
Msg from Bob: John is getting drunk and obnoxious about Guttenberg. Pretty funny…he just fell backwards into a giant flower planter at the bar…LMAO!!!
Msg from Bob: Hey did I ever tell you that I was an extra in Cocoon 2?
Msg from Lisa: Well…ure obviously ignoring my txts. Just 4get about it. I’ll find another car. I don’t know why u cant just 4get about the past. I wont txt again. Have a nice day
Msg from Pete: I'm gonna kill Craig! He just fell into the pool and took the grill with him. Guess we're ordering pizza now. What a douche!
Msg from Bob: Which reminds me…did u ever see that creepy kid in the background of 3 Men and a Baby??? They say it was a ghost of some kid that died on the set. U can Google it. Really eerie!!!
Msg from John B: Bob’s a dick. I think I broke my ass bone!!
Msg from Haylee: Not sure if my txts are going thru. Anyway, I just got back from the gym. Hey...
I didn’t do anything stupid the other nite did I??? LOL!! Anyway, I really enjoyed being out w/ you
Msg from Lisa: So Bob is txtng me with some stupid question about Steve Guttenberg. Very funny! Are u with him?? You two need to grow up. If you don’t want me to be in your life, much less borrow the car, or even answer a txt, just say so rather than play stupid jokes
Msg from Pete: Never mind about picking up Craig…We dumped his drunk ass back at home. You comin’ over or what??
Msg from Pete: BTW, your ex GF, Lisa, just texted me and asked to borrow my car. WTF??
Msg from Bob: Damn! I think John may need to go to the ER. We’re gonna do a shot of Tequila first and see if his ass feels better. BTW, why is your ex sending me nasty text msgs???
Msg from Haylee: That thing I told you about with my ex BF got settled out of court...he was a nut job. Just wanna make sure it didn’t make you nervous about me. LOL Hope to hear from ya soon
Msg from Craig: Hey buddy…I lockecked myse outttaa the houise..do u stil have an xtra keys%?
Msg from Pete: LOL! Dude, Craig is waaaasted. I think he locked himself out. I don’t have a spare key to his house. U might wanna swing by there first
Msg from Craig: Hlep! I’m sitingg on the sidewalkk in fron of my house. Nxt 2yur car. Im only in my underwear….call mee!!!$“” Ur mean ass ex girl FRiend just walked by an yelled d at me. HeY…….and some other chik is hangng out on youur porch??>
Msg from Lisa: Well, ur drunk ass loser friend Craig is locked out and ur car is at ur house along with some girl knocking on ur front door. Oh, and I want my blender back!! I don’t know WTF I did that u cant just let me borrow the car??!! Plz call me back!
Msg from Haylee: Got kinda worried about you so I hope u don’t take it the wrong way since we only had dinner once but I stopped by to see if u were okay and make sure u didn’t get food poisoning…LOL. I looked up ur adress on Google Earth...BTW, there’s a weird guy on the street in his boxer shorts throwing up. Yuk!!
Msg from Pete: Why is John texting me about some stupid movie question?? You thinking about coming over tonight???
Msg from Bob: Now John is saying that Leonard Nimoy directed 3 Men and a Baby. WHAT???
Msg from Lisa: You know what? I don’t need your f-ing car after all. I didn’t want it to be this way…but I met a reeeeally nice guy recently on e-Harmony. Unlike you, spending your time writing stupid books instead of a REAL job, he likes to go to the theatre all the time and he brings me flowers almost every DAY!!! I’m not txtng u again. Goodbye. BTW, good luck driving ur car NOW dick.
Msg from John B: Not only did Nimoy direct 3 Men and a Baby, Guttenberg starred alongside Ted Danson…who later invited Nimoy to be in an episode of Becker! Hah!! Bob is gonna owe me a bunch of money on this one!!
Msg from Haylee: I hope I didn’t come across TOO forward the other night…I really don’t want u to think I’m easy or anything, I‘m actually VERY shy…LOL. I KNEW those guys that asked me 2 dance…they’re just friends from work. Hope u r okay...I'm worried now : {
Msg from Pete: Hey…Craig got into his house BTW. Someone helped him climb up the back porch overhang and he went thru a window. I wish I could have seen THAT!!!! Call me…we’re gonna go ahead and order pizza soon dude.
Msg from Bob: We’re home now…John got us thrown out of the sports bar running around the room doing the Vulcan mind meld on the other customers. He’s such a dumb ass when he gets drunk. Guttenberg WAS in an infomercial for the Total Fitness Gym! With Chuck Norris AND Christie Brinkley…Hah!
Msg from Craig: Holyy shit!!! Somee HOT chik named Hailey just helped me break in my hoouse. Shes an ex stripper. Scoooore! Haheaha!!*# She's stayin 4 a feww drinkss. U still got thhat blender?? i may need 2 borrw it
Msg from Todd: Whassup? I’m gonna stay at home for the game…u wanna come over? Me and Melissa ordered pizza...just gonna keep it low key chillll 2nite
Msg from Craig: BTW...looks like someboDy sliced yoour back tire 2dayy?%
Msg from Haylee: Maybe will talk tomorrow. Gonna stay with a friend 2nite.
Outgoing msg to Todd
From Jim: Just found my cell phone and got your txt. YES…I’d love to come over…more than you can possibly imagine. See ya’ soon! Thx.
Msg from Lisa: I'm sorry...and I miss you : (
Outgoing msg to Todd
From Jim: BTW, can you come get me? I have a flat tire.
copyright Pontchartrain Press 2010
TTYL...LOL!
