For many people a job is more than an income – it's an important part of who we are. So a career transition of any sort is one of the most unsettling experiences you can face in your life. -- Paul Clitheroe
I have a friend of mine who’s trapped within the confines of a miserable job. Allow me to clarify- he’s working for a company well within his tenured career path, he’s just not challenged…at all.
This seems to be a common mistake that employers, especially in today’s hustle and bustle, bottom line environment, make all too often. The boss is not entirely to blame-- employees are equally guilty for either not talking with the boss or by silently sinking into complacency.
The right people are on the bus…sometimes they’re simply not in the correct seats.
Speaking of which, we took a vote around the table today and decided that Mike, the editor, shall be strapped onto the hood of the bus while we ram it into the car in front of us.
I asked my buddy to give me the scoop- I wanted to know why he wasn’t happy and how he planned to handle the situation.
He explained that he absolutely LOVED his career and felt deep passion for the work which he’s performed for almost 20-years…he simply felt that his employer was not a good one.
He went on to explain that his employer THINKS that they're good to their employees but they often cut corners by placing workers and supervisors in positions in which they are grossly under qualified or too lazy to effectively perform.
This company is also heavily regulated by the United States government and frequently administers certification tests on which many employees cheat for company appearances sake. I immediately asked the logical question…
When did you begin working for Congress or the broadcast media business??
Sensing that my friend was truly in agony over the decision at hand, I tossed all silliness and joking aside and began to do the Sudoko puzzle on his counter-top. Oh, and then I asked what I could do to help.
He asked if I would assist him in drafting a letter of resignation to his manager. I did what any logical person in this position would do...I pretended that I didn’t hear his question. After repeating his plea, I finally asked…
Have you ever actually READ any of my juvenile silliness???
I worked for a news director who asked me to write a story for the “print” version of our on-air news site one time. I suppose I did such a good job that I was never asked to write for the Internet site again.
I’ve hidden the name of the city in the interest of a confidentiality agreement which I signed upon my decision to, as they worded it in the memo, “pursue other interests.”
I’ve cut and pasted the actual (important to note) copy points as originally received. Please read it carefully:
The state Lottey Corp. says one ticket purchased in (city name) won the $85.7 million multistate Powerball drawing Satuday night.
The winning ticket was puchased at the Circle K convenence store on Airpot Highway and the store will receive a one-time bonus of $25,000.
The prize for the next Powerball drawing will be an estimated $20 million on Wednesday.
Okay…and now for the news brief, as interpreted by me, in my filed report:
Lotto Winner Tells His Boss To Eat It!!
-After years of throwing away children’s tuition money, local man went into convenience store for a microwave burrito, walks away facing life of bitter in-fighting amongst greedy family members
(City Name)- Despite continuous, egregious spelling errors from our copy desk assignment editor, (formerly of the Associated Press), he managed to send us this little news scad of which we have been able to assimilate enough pertinent information which confirms that a lucky (city name) man has become the state’s newest multi-millionaire.
At news deadline time we were unable to confirm that steps have been taken to terminate our copy editor, even though numerous formal performance and sexual harassment complaints have been well documented. However, the state Lotto Corp. confirms that the $85.7 million winning ticket was puchased (also known as purchased) at the Circle K on Airport Highway. (formerly known as Airpot Highway)
The store will receive an estimated $25,000 bonus for selling the winning ticket, which should stimulate their net operating budget enough to hire our copy assignment editor away as the new night janitor with roughly $22,445 left over for capital improvement projects.
Lottey officials confirm that the lucky (city name) man has donated $5,000 of his winnings so that the Lotto Corp. might purchase an “R” from Pat Sajak so that their name shall heretofore be spelled corectly (We’re conserving R’s at present until this spelling injustice has been remedied)
This story appeared on our news brief site for about 45-minutes before I was called into the manager’s office. Which was fortuitous for me, since I was ready to go home for the day anyway. As I recall, I went out for beef nachos and then spent the afternoon watching reruns of Scubs.
Ooops…I meant Scrubs.
I don’t know the first thing about writing a letter of resignation- the whole thing seems like a silly process if you ask me:
This letter serves as two weeks notice to terminate my employment with (company name) I value the experience and opportunities that my association has afforded with (company name) and I wish for the company’s continued success.
I will assist in any way possible to ensure a smooth transition upon my departure.
Sincerely,
YUCK!!! What’s with all the formalities? Honestly, WHO talks like that??
Answer: NO ONE
Except for this ass-kisser Program Director. We'll call him Jonathan, primarily because his name is Jim Fleischer. He was the inept assistant director in the corporate office of my former employer.
He also still lived with his mother at age 40. We used to pick his car up and turn it sideways in his parking space so he couldn’t get out. He drove a Mazda Miata…enough said.
Dear (manager name),
After numerous warnings, I am putting this company on notice. My love and passion for life and happiness supersede the necessity to make money to purchase things such as food, shelter, clothing and the occasional pornographic DVD.
This decision does not come easy, but I now know that being in this building and dealing with directors who live at the golf course and have never worked in the trenches a day in their lives has rendered me unable to attain an erection for my girlfriend.
As you can imagine, she is quite distraught as she really loves to have sex and I’d rather she do it with me rather than to seek satisfaction outside the boundaries of our committed relationship.
I, on the other hand, experience numerous forcible sexual encounters each day in the office as Jonathan, the programming assignment genius, regularly bends me over and shoves it in violently as though I have stolen something from him.
I hope this letter finds you well and I wish the best for everyone…except Jonathan. I hope he loses control of his effeminate little quasi car and careens from a 400-foot roadside cliff in the mountains.
Sincerely,
Jim
P.S. I love you!
Toward the end of my tenure with a long time employer in Nashville, the owner brought in a new manager who LOVED long meetings…lots of them.
One time we were to participate in a rather important programming syndication meeting and the manager called a meeting before the meeting to discuss what we would talk about in the meeting.
It's important to note that we then had a post meeting meeting to assess the supplier meeting results…I wish that I were making this up.
It reached a point where I absolutely dreaded looking down at the phone to see that she was calling for me.
She always called at the worst moments possible, when I was doing important things such as breathing, blinking my eyes or having some semblance of an otherwise peaceful day.
Beth The Boss Of The Year:
“Jim, could you come upstairs for a quick meeting?”
I found myself wishing that a maniacal, angry gorilla would escape from the zoo and rub feces in my face and then beat me to death with a tree branch whenever she called.
As a note of interest, not long after I left the company I heard that she got fired because no one could reach their work deadlines. Shocking. I wonder how THAT meeting worked out for her?
The workplace is full of interesting and downright absurd stories, from both the employer and employee side.
The last manager I worked with at "The Channel Of Clarity Communications," and I’m not making this up, advocated fabricating a lie when calling out of work.
Rather than embracing honesty as the best policy, like calling out because one wants to attend a concert or might feel that working around absurdity on a particular day might cause him/her to jump from the 6th floor balcony, he encouraged us to lie and make up a family emergency or such.
Using his directive as a calling-in template, I crafted the following excuse as per his suggestion. This is my actual resignation letter from a 20-year broadcast career:
Manager: Why aren’t you coming in today?
Me: It’s quite odd actually. I was, in fact, on the way to work when a pack of tigers blocked me in as I was backing down the driveway.
I exited the car to shoo them away when one of the tigers (Tony) offered me a bowl of cereal.
Since I’m on a strict, sugar restrictive diet, I politely declined. Tony (the tiger) went on to advise against going to work.
He felt that I needed some downtime in order to rejuvenate my creative juices, thus being a better and more productive employee.
One of Tony’s tiger buddies, being stricken with a sudden hunger attack, then pounced on a nearby vagrant…mauling him to death. Since I was the only witness, I had to stay home to assist the New Orleans Police Department with their incident report.
Realizing the folly of his previous "calling-in to work protocol" suggestion to a group of smart ass writers, that was the first and last time that our manager recommended stupid ideas.
A funny anecdote about this manager and his assistant- Due to a scheduling snafu, I didn't show up for work one day. I legitimately didn't realize that I was scheduled since these guys use email and text messages as a way of life rather than to glance up from their gadgets and actually speak on the phone or in person.
The previous day I had posted a silly missive on my blog: "I think that I might go join the circus."
They had seriously become concerned that I had indeed joined the circus. I'll pause here in order for that to sink in.
It's important to share the fact that these two are tasked with running a multi-million dollar operation. Oh, my!
They don't speak to me anymore- which really sucks because they provided numerous pages of entertainment.
I’ve written a couple of stories about the best boss I’ve EVER seen and it was a privilege to work with and learn from him. His name is Bob.
Among many respected qualities, he knew how to motivate people but he also realized the importance of surrounding himself with co-workers who respectfully disagreed with him.
A terribly detached station owner and board of directors who replaced our long installed leader asked why I and a few others had decided to move on. I told them that it seemed abundantly clear that the company was no longer serious about doing their business well.
No fancy letter needed.
Fortunately, I’ve heard, that the company has since moved a deserving person from the middle of the bus to the front seat…an excellent choice indeed, as she has led their business to new heights...without conducting a hundred meetings per day.
Back to my friend and a draft of the letter that I figured to be best for he and his situation:
Dear (manager name),
After years of dedication to a career that I love so dearly, I have decided to move on to a new and exciting chapter in my life.
The truth of the matter is that I find myself unbearably attracted to you.
I know we are of the same sex, and I’ve never really had a sexual longing for another man but, whenever you enter the room, the sweet smell of your natural man fragrance, with a hint of Dial Cool Ocean Mist body wash, simply makes it impossible for me to concentrate.
Sometimes I get so nervous around you that I have to sprint to the restroom to do number 2.**
**(I have a spastic colon)
I’ll miss the countless days when I would try to guess which tie you would wear to work and, when I guessed correctly, I was convinced that it was an omen…a sign that this would finally be the day. The day in which you would debonairly announce that you’ve left your wife and we could purchase a Toyota Tundra and run off to Vermont where we’d spend our days picking blueberries and planting peppers.
At any rate, I treasure my time with the company and I’ll never, ever, ever, EVER forget about you.
Hopelessly yours,
At the very least, my friend smiled when he read my silliness, thus redirecting his mind to happier thoughts.
As far as his next move? I don’t know. I did offer this piece of advice…I pointed out that people spend a majority of their lives at work…that’s a lot of time investment not to be happy. It’s not good for he or his employer.
Unfortunately, this is not an isolated issue- at present, I know three people who love their work but absolutely hate their job and I'll bet you do too.
As long as it's not a doctor who's about to cut me open or my pilot, I'll feel a sense of relief.
I love what I do, and for that I am thankful. However, all of this writing has rendered me exhausted so I'm gonna close the computer and watch Wheel of Fortune. I'm hoping for lots of "R" pu_chases in honor of the copy assignment editor.
SinceRely,
copy R ight PontchaRtRain PRess 2010
*Author's Note: The Channel Of Clarity Manager has since moved on to pursue other interests. I suppose he found the bus stop
