I recently visited a friend on the other side of town and, aside from my car being towed, she and I had a wonderful visit.
It seems that there are three grumpy guys who live a few doors down who feel that the parking space in front of their house is off limits. They literally tape measure to verify that vehicles are exactly 3-feet from their driveway and then have them towed.
Even though a vehicle is nowhere NEAR impeding these guys from entering or exiting their driveway they love this parking space so much that they have vehicles towed on a B.S. technicality.
Since I owed a few parking tickets, the grand total for my visit to see my friend was $400...and I didn't even have sex!!
Since none of the other neighbors have spoken up about their displeasure with these, uh, "gentlemen" I decided that I would be the trailblazer.
**Author's note: I do not hide behind the anonymous curtain of the Internet or write letters in order to vent to myself...this letter has actually been delivered to said evil doers
Good Afternoon,
Actually, I can’t be certain when this letter will find you but, seeing how it’s afternoon as I write this, I suppose we’ll stick with “good afternoon.” At any rate, I hope this letter finds you well and in peaceful spirits.
I’m new to the neighborhood and wanted to take a moment to get to know the citizenry therein. I chose this area because it is a largely accepting and neighborly community, something which I’m sure you gentlemen greatly appreciate about this historic and grand locale.
I’ve heard a great deal about many warm and generous spirited neighbors on this block, sadly, we seem to have haters amongst us. This troubles me and I’d like to enlist your assistance in order to break through barriers of, possible, misunderstanding by corralling all like minded neighbors to sniff out these misanthropes.
Clearly this is key to understanding, acceptance and love. I learned that from watching Mr. Rogers as a kid, even though my dad thought Mr. Rogers would make me “delicate." (He used a different word)
In the spirit of the aforementioned neighborhood reputation and to foster harmony on a block which we all share, I shall attempt to initiate a gesture of good will that, I hope, triggers an evolution of bridge-building.
It’s my understanding that we have someone in our Shangri-La who takes pleasure in having fellow neighbors and their guests arbitrarily towed, even when they're not blocking a driveway. I’ll pause here to let that dastardly news sink in as it took me by surprise too. Actually, when I heard this news I needed a moment to myself while I sipped some hot Pekoe and listened to my Harry Connick Jr. CD.
In order for peace and love to prosper and prevail, I believe it to be imperative for each of us to give back and to be kind. This may be accomplished in simple ways but there are also specific actions which will, admittedly, take effort on the part of all involved.
An immediate solution, as proposed by some on the block, is to find the person/persons responsible and drive a truck through their living room. I feel that negative actions and mindsets are unproductive. (I learned that from a Tony Robbins book on tape)
A positive beginning would be to find this neighbor and educate him/her so that they might stop treating a parking space as though it’s a sacred Indian burial ground. (By Indian, I meant the casino owners, not the people who answer the Dell technical support hotline…sorry)
Having vehicles arbitrarily towed causes heartache, suffering and pain. Actually, I thought only my EX could stir such emotions now that I think about it. While $400 might not seem like much money to some, as might be the case to the territorial parking space miser, it IS a sizeable chunk of change to common folk.
Hypothetically, $400.00 might be better used by a fellow neighbor to do silly things. Perhaps it could be used to purchase a plane ticket so that a friend could go see a dieing relative. Forking over such an erroneous fine could literally cost one his/her opportunity to visit with a loved one to say goodbye before they slip away to the eternal parking paradise in the sky.
$400.00 could be used (for some) to fill a much needed, expensive, prescription in order to maintain some semblance of a healthy, pain free normal life.
While I’m not quite certain about my feelings as they pertain to the current Presidential administration’s handling of healthcare…I DO think Mrs. Obama is quite striking.
Unfortunately, she is in no position to purchase airline tickets or medicine and groceries for a total stranger in need. I sent a note last month to test my theory and was flatly rejected unfortunately. I did, however, receive a very nice ink pen with an eagle emblazoned down the side and a pack of Air Force One M &M‘s. The gentleman at the pawn shop felt that it wasn’t worth pawning though so I just ate the M&M’s and I use the pen to write checks, drawn on an account which is, ironically, $400 short.
Looks like the friends who needed help will just have to live with harsh reality...much like that of a 6-year old child who's evil uncle Lloyd told him that Santa Clause isn't real.
That being said, Obama-Care is far from coming to fruition, since there seems to be lots of political maneuvering, in-fighting and resistance on both sides of the aisle…fueled by powerful lobbyists on K Street and a ratings driven 24-hour news cycle. Ultimately, hard working, financially struggling Americans are left behind to bear the brunt of partisanship politics while grumpy neighbors have cars towed as they laugh menacingly while pulling the wings off of butterflies and pluck the whiskers from the innocent faces of little kitty cats.
A disturbing thought indeed. If we idly sit back and do nothing…then the terrorists win. Actually I have no proof to substantiate that claim, but it sounds effective when politicians use it.
Anyway, as a good neighbor, I wanted to alert you to the fact that someone on the block is out for blood where assumed parking spaces and towing are concerned and it‘s unnecessarily costing good people lots of money. I heard that the last vehicle that these people had towed cost a family their rent money. The man and woman had to take a 2nd job and they sold their child into slave labor in order to make the rent. I’m kidding...just trying to find humor in a bad situation. Actually the couple lost their house because of the fines and towing expense and the family now lives in a makeshift tent behind a vacant house in Mid-City.
We need to stop these tow-truck trigger happy guys before they requisition the city for a permit to build an alligator infested moat and a drawbridge.
Thanks for your time and please know that I look forward to being your neighbor. Perhaps you guys might come down the street for a BBQ sometime. Right now all I have is cat food and crackers but that will change once I make up the checking account deficit.
By the way my Crème Brulee is out of this world.
With much love and peace, I bid you a fantastic day.
copyright Pontchartrain Press 2010
