I had a conversation with a friend of mine on the phone today. She’s having some difficult times, both personally and professionally. It’s a rough time at work for her, combined with relationship troubles. Translation: this was not a short call. We’ve all found ourselves standing on one of the aforementioned porches of life at some point.
I abandoned my usual short phone call tendency and chatted for a while. It’s not that I don’t like talking with people, I simply dislike having a phone surgically attached to my ear. Now that I think about it, she’s a receptionist; one would think that SHE would think better of having a phone to her ear after work.
As my buddy Gino recently pointed out to me, no one sits down over coffee anymore. He hails from Seattle so I understand his affinity for the coffee chat as opposed to the cell phone.
Sensing that my friend’s feeling of self worth was rapidly spiraling over the course of our call I felt somewhat helpless. Especially so when she dejectedly announced that, perhaps, she was flawed.
Gentlemen, this is a moment in time when response must be carefully weighed with the precision of a neurosurgeon. I liken it to responding to that ubiquitous question that we all undoubtedly face at some point or another…
”Does this outfit make me look fat?”
I weighed my thoughts before uttering a word. I did so as quickly as possible since lag time speaks unintended volumes, but I answered honestly.
“Sure you are…we all are sweetheart”.
Does that make someone a bad person? Not necessarily. Does that mean that I’m bad? Not for me to judge.
At the end of our conversation I sensed that my friend felt better about her troubles, but our chat prompted me to think about a few parallels.
People, myself included, sometimes forget that it’s perfectly okay to lean on a friend in a time of need. We’re all busy as the world continues its steady march toward a microwave popcorn society. Daily supply and demand requisites in our professional lives leaves little time for quality personal experiences. A coffee in the park, sitting by the river, a nice dinner, a hobby…you get the picture. You have to set aside time for those things…that’s the roadblock that many don’t get past.
Chatting with a friend, even a total stranger sitting next to you, can work wonders in stimulating one‘s mind. Whether the person you’re talking with simply wants to vent or talk about something totally off the wall, I think it sort of qualifies as “down time“.
Speaking of down time and long conversations, back to Gino. Talking with Gino technically qualifies as personal AND professional time for me. Our chats usually, inadvertently, unclog my brief bouts of writer’s block; plus I ALWAYS learn something.
Out of the blue Gino asked if I found it increasingly difficult to hold conversation with some people these days. Make no mistake about it, he carries absolutely no air of linguistic or mental superiority. He will talk with you about any subject of choice and loves to learn from other people. He is one of the most unassuming people that I know.
His point being, there seems to be a swelling emptiness in conversation. It’s an email, laptop, text messaging world for some. Google is great, but sometimes there’s a wealth of knowledge to be mined from the person standing next to you, maybe even on the streetcar. Seriously! (Okay, NOLA commuters please refrain from wild laughter).
Gino further pointed out how so few people can answer a simple question that he poses from time to time. I could hardly wait to hear what little gem of a question this would be.
“What do you love? What’s your passion? What makes you get out of bed?”
Now, he doesn’t wander the streets tossing this question to random strangers…that would make him rather creepy. After talking with someone for a while, somewhere in the course of conversation, he airs his genuine interest in learning what lights the fires.
We’ve all heard the question “So, what do you do?” I DO what we all do… So does Gino and so do you. We work, we make money to support ourselves and our families. We earn money for the movies, the bar, buying DVD’s, groceries, our life our habits, etc. We subsidize life…That’s simply what we do.
Some folks are fortunate enough to love what they do and, for them, that is indeed their passion. If you don’t enjoy your job, you don’t necessarily need to walk out, unless your boss likes to casually stroll past your desk singing 80’s power ballads while wearing a fedora and thongs. Then you should investigate alternate employment options. Unless you happen to like that sort of thing. You gotta earn a living, but you better have a passion.
For another friend of mine, his passion is porn. He IS a rather creepy guy, but funny and enjoyable to talk with. It is definitely NOT one world. By the way, he loves his job to boot. Imagine how perfect life would be for him if he were a camera man for a porno film studio. I suspect that he’d die as the happiest person on the planet.
As for me, I love to write. I may never get rich doing it, but that’s not why I do it. It’s one of my passions. It’s one of a few things that makes me get out of bed…well, today I hated the alarm clock but that’s an entirely separate story.
Anytime someone tells me that they enjoyed something that I’ve written it gives me an indescribable feeling. For that matter, whether I receive feedback or not, I’m most humbled that someone took time to read something that I’ve written.
Perhaps each of us can think of at least three reasons not to get out of bed. One may, in fact, be “passion”. Okay, I had to sneak a positive reason in there.
Maybe stress from the latest financial climate, the terrible news to which we’re subjected every day (Author note: BP better get it in gear FAST!) Maybe it’s a troubling relationship situation. There are many shared and unique reasons that feasibly could force us to pull the covers high for protection.
But, as Gino aptly puts it, no matter what you’re goin’ through, it’s still nice to get out and take in the world and learn from the people who occupy it. Very timely advice for me indeed. I've used the sheets a few times recently as a kryptonite wall.
It occurs to me that it might be a good idea for my receptionist friend to sit down over coffee with Gino; I can join them and we’ll sit in different parts of the café talking with one another on our cell phones. That way we’ll blend in.
copyright Pontchartrain Press 2010
