"As Seen On TV!!!"
I love watching television. When I'm not watching tv I do what every normal person does...I read the phone book to relax.
Actually, I believe everything I see on television...except The Weather Channel, NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, HBO, anything that comes from Geraldo Rivera, Showtime, A&E, QVC, pay per view motel porn and, especially, Disney.
After watching 70-days of news coverage I also do not believe Russia fixed the election...I feel strongly that the presidential election was hijacked by Alabama and several other rogue tank top shirt adorned states whose citizenry ignores sensible dietary recommendations-- Save your hate mail Tennessee, I'm neither a Clinton or Trump hater and I'm FROM Tennessee. Why? (you might ask)...I had no say so as to where I grew up.**
**notice how I totally dodged answering the political assertion?
We've been noticeably quiet at Pontchartrain Press for the past four months so that we could effectively take in as much tv as possible-- which has taught me that Cialis is not right for me.
Upon further research, I also feel reasonably certain that a reverse mortgage would not work as well for me as it might for a senior citizen who's economically forced to eat cat food.
Now that I think about it, a reverse mortgage might be effective for my 600 year-old neighbor, Mae, so long as William DeVane is somewhere nearby so that we might shake him down for his gold and silver after she, ultimately, looses her house and is forced to become an octogenarian glory-hole oral/hand-job extraordinaire thanks to Tom Selleck and his predatory lending commercials. (All due respect to my dear Tennessee friend, Fred Thompson who previously held that pitch position.)
I'm a big fan of Fox News primarily because my neighbor hates it.
actually...again, I'm kidding...I only watch Fox News because I'm a HUGE FAN of "My Pillow.Com." It changed my life...don't judge me.
To be serious for a moment, I only watch Netflix, Hulu, the woman's bedroom window across the street and fetish porn; specifically, porn which involves television character Jack Bauer and music phenom, @JoeyFatone, so long as it involves auto-erotic asphyxiation and a pile of explosives attached to a detonator clock voiced by internet sensation, Alexa...while Arnold Schwarzenegger screams "GET TO THE CHOPPER."
Speaking of normal fetishes, Alexa sounds like a total condescending bitch but, in her defense, I'm typically drunk when I command her search engine prowess.
"Alexa how do I remove blood stains from my terracotta side porch?"
To be honest, I really didn't learn much during my four month television binge hiatus and I continue to make questionable life decisions while holding little opinion about politics or the folks who cover the topic...
I DO plan to enjoy baseball season and other things such as watching paint dry...but, it's a stress free life and it makes me smile.
By the way, the UPS guy just delivered the "My Pillow." As seen on TV. zzzzzzzz!
copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2017. All Rights Reserved.
