...Our final installment of non-election/erection coverage by way of reader mail which, against my better judgement, includes personal responses from Eric Crowthers, from Philly. Enjoy.
"I hope you two die a painful death."
As long as it happens soon, I'm down. I'm not sure how I'm going to come up with rent in two weeks.
"You two are like Martin and Lewis" (clearly a senior citizen)
Jim is a rascal, I'm a curmudgeon. It seems only fitting that the only people who like us shit themselves.
"Love the back and forth with Eric."
This person is clearly dull. That's why they have no back and forth of their own and have to live vicariously through ours.
"How and why do I receive forwards of your articles???""
How? There's this thing called the internet, mastermind. You used it to send this message.
Why? Because God hates you.
"Is Eric single?"
April will mark the 10 year anniversary since my last relationship ended, but I don't do the sex anymore, slut bag, so dry off your nasty clam.
"You two are crazy funny."
You have the vocabulary of a Kardashian, thus making your personality the physical manifestation of dry anal.
"I think you and Eric should form a murder-suicide pact." *(my favorite)
Didn't Jim and I already do that?
"Who are you guys voting for?"
Learn some fucking manners. Religion and politics should be kept private ... kinda like your uncle's favorite game that you played as a child.
PS - Whomever you're voting for, I'm voting for the other person.
"I hate you two."
Get in line.
"YOU GUYS ROCK!"
I'll bet you've been to every farewell tour KISS has performed in that little tampon box you call a town where you live, and still have a wardrobe that was purchased by Camel Cash in 1990.
"I think Eric from Philly should be dismembered and you should be beaten to death with his dismembered arm."
Again, I'm game as long as it's before the 1st of the month so I don't have to pay rent.
"Are you two a same sex couple?"
Should you feel the need to take a break from licking the windows and drooling on your sweater, ask somebody to explain to you how geography works.
And, there you have it. Our Pontchartrain Press series of non-Erection coverage concludes. Join us for our new, lighthearted series titled:
"The Apocalypse Can Be Fun."
copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved.