Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Erectio...uh...Election Coverage

...Our final installment of non-election/erection coverage by way of reader mail which, against my better judgement, includes personal responses from Eric Crowthers, from Philly. Enjoy.

    "I hope you two die a painful death."

From Eric:
As long as it happens soon, I'm down. I'm not sure how I'm going to come up with rent in two weeks.

    "You two are like Martin and Lewis" (clearly a senior citizen)

From Eric:
Jim is a rascal, I'm a curmudgeon. It seems only fitting that the only people who like us shit themselves.

    "Love the back and forth with Eric."

From Eric:
This person is clearly dull. That's why they have no back and forth of their own and have to live vicariously through ours.

    "How and why do I receive forwards of your articles???""

From Eric:
How?  There's this thing called the internet, mastermind. You used it to send this message.
Why? Because God hates you.

    "Is Eric single?"

From Eric:
April will mark the 10 year anniversary since my last relationship ended, but I don't do the sex anymore, slut bag, so dry off your nasty clam.

    "You two are crazy funny."

From Eric:
You have the vocabulary of a Kardashian, thus making your personality the physical manifestation of dry anal.

    "I think you and Eric should form a murder-suicide pact." *(my favorite)

From Eric:
Didn't Jim and I already do that?

    "Who are you guys voting for?"

From Eric:
Learn some fucking manners. Religion and politics should be kept private ... kinda like your uncle's favorite game that you played as a child.
PS - Whomever you're voting for, I'm voting for the other person.

   "I hate you two."

From Eric:
Get in line.


From Eric:
I'll bet you've been to every farewell tour KISS has performed in that little tampon box you call a town where you live, and still have a wardrobe that was purchased by Camel Cash in 1990.

    "I think Eric from Philly   should be dismembered and you should be beaten to death with his dismembered arm."

From Eric:
Again, I'm game as long as it's before the 1st of the month so I don't have to pay rent.

    "Are you two a same sex couple?"

From Eric:
Should you feel the need to take a break from licking the windows and drooling on your sweater, ask somebody to explain to you how geography works.

And, there you have it.  Our Pontchartrain Press series of non-Erection coverage concludes.  Join us for our new, lighthearted series titled:
 "The Apocalypse Can Be Fun."

copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved.