Well, here we are, Easter passed and Jesus STILL didn't come back...ugh... carpenters.
In fairness, and to strengthen my parent's concern for my blasphemy, you truly don't know when independent contractors will EVER return.
In other letdowns, the Chinese space station crashed and didn't hit anything funny, like Effingham, Illinois, my neighbor or one of the Kardashians-- sadly depriving the world of a hilarious segment on "TMZ" or "YouTube."
When I'm not avoiding people, I do what every normal person does...I read the phone book to relax.
TV is a good diversion lately because I believe everything that I see on television, except for The Weather Channel, NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, Sean Hannity, Al Roker, Showtime, A&E, QVC, Wicked Tuna, pay per view motel porn and, especially, Paula Dean.
After watching 70-days of news coverage for an upcoming project I also do not believe that Russia fixed our election...I feel strongly that the mystery of presidential election tampering was cast by some guy named Ted-- just a random guy who transferred dark feelings because of boredom, not politicism. So, he decided to fuck with things via his iPad-- over an order of loaded potato skins at the end of a TGI Fridays bar top in Muncie, Indiana-- Sometimes it's just that simple. Don't believe it? Sadly, it's amazing what triggers people...just watch the news.
On a brighter note, upon conclusion of my two and a half month TV binge-fest, I learned that (thankfully) Cialis is not right for me and I also feel reasonably certain that a reverse mortgage would not fit into my financial portfolio as that of a senior citizen who's economically forced to eat cat food. Now that I think about it, a reverse mortgage might be effective so long as William DeVane is somewhere nearby so that I might shake him down for his gold and silver after ultimately losing my house and forced to become a greeter at The Wal-Mart.
In summation, fuck Tom Selleck and his predatory lending commercials. While we're at it, fuck The General... AND Shaq too.
I'm a big fan of Fox News... primarily because it irritates everyone else. I'm kidding...I only watch Fox News channel because I'm a HUGE FAN of My Pillow.Com, 1-800 Empire and some catheter company, then I switch to the 400-thousand hour tru tv Impractical Jokers marathon.
To be serious, I only watch Netflix, Hulu, HBO Go, C-SPAN and the woman's bedroom window across the street.
Speaking of a normal segment in my life, Alexa AND Siri sound hot but totally like condescending assholes (but) in their defense, I've been single for a while.
"Alexa how do I get to your house? I'll bring Siri and some vodka."
I really didn't learn much during my television binge/research and I continue to make questionable life decisions while holding little opinion about politics, pop culture or the folks who cover the topic...
I DO plan to enjoy baseball season and other things such as watching paint dry and it's a stress free life, which makes me smile.
By the way, the UPS guy just delivered the "My Pillow." "As seen on TV." zzzzzzzz!
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