I have four people on my Facebook friends list who are deceased...three more and I get an Applebee's gift certificate.
Before anyone judges me for being insensitive, it profoundly saddens me, because I'd rather have a TGI Friday's gift card.
I can't really bring myself to delete deceased friends from social media because:
a) I don't maintain our pages
b) it just seems unnecessary to delete these people since they've already been ultimately deleted-- I'm a sensitive guy.
If you're looking for a fun way to do something more dangerous than meth, sign on to your social media accounts and then join me in converting to the Amish way of life in shunning the modern world...and being weird..sort of like the Unibomber...without actually sending bombs via the postal service.
Now that I, once again, have the attention of the National Security Agency, let's take a peek at actual social media brilliance...
As silly as they might be, witnessing social media meltdowns still amuses me. You know the ones I'm talking about...
Constance checked in at Taco Libre 8:30pm
Scott checked in at Wild Willie's Wangs n Thangs 8:40pm
Constance wrote: I'm not saying names but for some of u who don't like wat I'm gonna say, UNFRIEND me now. OMG I'm sooo tired of subjecting myself to those who are evil..."specially one at work. ugh.
Scott wrote: I love ppl who play victims when they screw everything that moves. #dirtyslutbucket
Constance wrote: Some ppl I know stay out getting drunk all nite. #whiskeydick
Scott wrote: Some ppl work late because they try to make enough money so others can throw $90 away on a fucking pasta canister at #Anthropologie.com
Constance wrote: OMFG..At least I’m not latently homosexual. #latentlyhomosexual
LOL
Scott wrote: SOME girls appreciate sensitive guys who write poems for girls.
The earth doesn’t revolve around some ppl...even though, if they keep eating the way they do, they'll be as big as a planet soon enough.
Constance wrote: Some guys can't keep it up. #Viagra
Scott wrote: Some girls need to take better personal care. #Vagisilisrightforyou
Constance wrote: I'm sooo sorry for ppl with small packages.
#Idon'tHaveAclever hashtagrightnowbut FuckyouScott
Scott wrote: Oh yeah? Well you’re LOUSY in bed Constance!!!
Constance wrote: No I’m not…and Carlos, in accounting on the third floor, will tell you otherwise.
#Carlos
Scott wrote: Oh YEAH???? At least I’m not a little BITCH!!
Constance wrote: Yes you are.
#bitch
Scott wrote: Well, your best friend, Emily, from customer service, doesn't think so. ha!
Constance wrote: good luck with HPV
#luggage
Constance checked in Wild Willie's Wangs n Thangs 9:47pm
Scott checked in at Taco Libre 9:44pm
Scott wrote: u here?
Constance wrote:
no...I came to wild willies to talk.
#imissyou
Author note: We're one article away from 500. And, one article away from me being off until September. Thank you all for reading from whichever platform you catch this crap. Love you.
Copyright Flat Earth Media, 2018. All Rights Reserved.
