I recently suffered from a rare bout of insomnia. I blame this on the fact that the city is executing a construction project near my house which stretches late into the night and, apparently, involves the use of nuclear weapons.
I've gained useful insight in my sleepless nights via late night reruns-- which remind me why these programs were not as funny as we thought-- I.e. in reality, the castaways would have murdered Gilligan and eaten him to survive until the Navy dispatched a rescue mission; It should surprise no one that Screech developed an oxycodone habit in reality and that Cosby might not be father of the year after all.
Then, there's the infomercials-- We've evolved, as a society, where the need for a "Miracle Juicer," equipped with a live migrant worker and Bluetooth capability is, apparently, necessary.
Workout and "miracle diet" infomercials are my favorites.
"LOSE UP TO 47pounds IN THREE MONTHS!"
An exhausting Ab routine equal to Navy Seal training coupled with diet pills (equivalent to 3-thousand kilograms of cocaine?) What could possibly go wrong?
Logically, the only way one could lose 47 pounds that quickly is:
Terminal illness
...Or, if the diet pill company sent a representative to the house to abduct your 7-year old child.
Indeed, we're assailed from multiple directions by one pitch man or another...all pushing the latest, greatest miracle products. Example:
-The Hardee's-Carl's Jr. 9-pound bacon burger/ improvised explosive device
-The Total Gym (you will NEVER look like these actors, EVER) fitness contraption
-Donald Trump, etc.
Now that the insomnia has passed, I'm preparing comfort food before watching some exciting presidential campaign coverage...
NEW and IMPROVED Kraft Mac n cheese...because it's often a good idea to tinker with things which have worked just fine for 250-years.
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