"The Great Outdoors"
I've been invited to join a camping trip-- for those who know me-- I'll pause here for hysterical laughter.
I think quite highly of the great outdoors actually. Beautiful, rolling vistas, majestic trees, zika virus, etc.
In my previous outings I've noticed a constant in bonding with the earth amongst a camping group...in that there's always some douche bag with a guitar. If campers employed "real-world" acumen they'd smear this guy with scalding marshmallow and toss his guitar into the campfire...and the guy now that I think about it.
I'm also not overly opposed to sleeping on the ground-- I lived much of my late 20's/early 30's doing so when I returned home from the bar-- I don't mind eating outside either. Surrounded by a natural, serene soundscape, poisonous snakes, stifling heat and friends being eaten by a wild animal sounds like fun. It's just like one of those meditation/sleep CDs, only with bloodletting screams.
Honestly, I'm simply frightened by hillbilly woodsmen who look to sneak into my tent late at night with the sole intention of touching my butthole.
I recently watched the TV program, "Naked And Afraid." It's a broadcast about being in a hotel suite after a hip-hop concert.
Then there's VH-One's continued aim at airing anything BUT actual music videos..."Dating Naked." This is called, in my time, a one night stand. Only on the TV program they can't go home until a location director tells them to do so.
My writing companion, Amanda, invited me and our other writing colleague, Todd, over for a backyard camping night. This sounds like a bad porn plotline.
I suppose nothing personifies "roughing it" like being 10 yards from your iPhone charger. Way to go Amanda.
To be safe, I'm passing on all camping excursion invitations this summer-- opting to prepare a picnic lunch at home and release 2-thousand ants into my dining room. I'll probably put on Animal Planet for ambiance.
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