Sunday, September 25, 2016

My Johnson Feels The Bern

...And our final in the series of "Open Letters" to the candidates.
Dear Gary Johnson,
I like your slogan and can happily inform you that I did, indeed, feel the Johnson between 915a and 930am.  I allowed my friend, Leigh, to feel it from 11p and 1140pm in the interest of Reagan's supply side economics policy. The first time was rather anticlimactic as I suspect the Fox reboot of Lethal Weapon will be.
    Hey, did you hear anything about a poison bowl of Skittles going around?  I heard something about it from Donald Junior's Twitter page. 
    I'm amazed by how notable celebrity types can put their foot in the mouth at 140 or less characters.  It usually takes five or six-hundred words for me to accomplish such a feat.
    Anyway, on to my real question...Who ARE you?
    I saw your interview segment on 60 Minutes but I honestly thought it was a sketch from the Daily Show.
(I'll pause here for our readers to YouTube it)
    This is what people in my line of business call making the reader work for the joke punchline.  It's how we weed out the lazy people.
    Anyway, I hope that they reconsider and allow you to join the debates, mainly because I'd like to hear you tell Hill an Don to feel the Johnson. THAT'S reality TV.  Plus I've seen The Trump show (guest starring Hillary) program for over a year and it could be fun spicing it up like television network executives often evidenced by bringing Jada Pinkett Smith back from the dead on Gotham.
    I also think it would be fun if they provided firearms to each candidate AND the moderator.  My money is on Lester Holt. Nothing against Anderson Cooper or anything.
   Good luck Gary.  By the way, could you just forward this to candidate Jill Stein?  I'm on a bit of a tight deadline.
James Patrick

Copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016. All Rights Reserved

Visit us on Facebook below: