Sunday, January 28, 2018

The Eff-CC

I have an odd, intimate experience with the FCC-- one that afforded me to get drunk in D.C. on several occasions-- times that I will cherish eternally.
   Among many important issues that the FCC deals with in order to fight, terrorists, the zombie apocalypse and protect your life from dirty words is to require that FX, TBS or TNT overdub (I wish that I were making this up)
"Yippee Ki Yay Mr Falcon Shirt"

in the censored version of Die Hard.  Now, this...
   A Federal panel assembled for weeks of deliberation and ruled that (and I also wish that I were making this up) the FCC may no longer sling steep fines at broadcasters for a vulgar word "slip" by any of its on-air guests-- specifically, rules have been relaxed for live broadcasts only --sorry Goodfellas fans, you filthy motherfu...
   That's right, use of the 'f-word,' or as I like to call it: Fuck-- according to the FCC--meets only "vulgar" benchmarks but doesn't reach the crucifixion worthy designation of "obscene."
   Obscene content is defined as "material contrary to common, accepted prurient community standard"-- thus still garners steep fines.
   Since the word "prurient," apparently, didn't wash overboard on the Mayflower, Miles Standish and Jerry Falwell accept use of the f-word without FCC fines. Connotation of the "f-word" is now considered, by the expert panel, as "an expression of frustration," rather than sexual in nature-- thus no actionable fines. That must have been an extremely entertaining meeting.

Acceptable:
Reporter: What's your reaction to the park being closed after the latest government shutdown?"
Random guy: Fuck me!
 *note: if the interviewee had replied with WTF, still no fine but I would fucking stab him for verbalizing w.t.f.
    Now, for an example of encroachment upon prurient standard:
   FCC abolishment of Net Neutrality will fuck you long an hard like Carlos did in your grandfather's boathouse on that steamy July afternoon in the summer of your aching, vulnerable youth while you wait forever to login from your shitty T-MOBILE data plan because it doesn't qualify for the internet fast lane.

   Because I'm an overachiever, I violated TWO prurient standards there. (three if you include T-MOBILE)
   When reached for comment, church leaders called the FCC ruling on loosening broadcast standards "Fucking Bullshit."
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