Friday, May 13, 2016

UN-Social Studies

...Conclusion, part 3:
    I liken social media to that of a school reunion...in that being eaten by a shark sounds like a sensible alternative. Add political discussion to both platforms and you've got an experience which makes undergoing CIA waterboarding interrogation seem like a fun, new ride at Dick Cheney's CONFESSION World.
    In addition to the usual suspects, participants in reunions, political campaigns AND social media include the embarrassing guy, his crazy wife, someone's weird boyfriend and some random loud man who lives next door.
    Social media parallels real life if you look closely...only we're not provided an option to report these lunatics to the moderator in real life.
    I have a friend who I love dearly and (to protect her identity) we'll call her Kate-- primarily because her real name is Katie-- Kate is apparently equipped with a Defense Department grade Doppler 70000.6 Pinpoint Ex Girlfriend Radar which enables her to track North Korean troop movement and/or share fun tidbits which ensures that any level of happiness oozes from my body as though I'm undergoing a colonoscopy.
     She'll helpfully share happy items with me such as:
"Did you see online that your ex is pregnant?" or, "Hey, I know you haven't had sex in a while. That hot girl down the bar who just left was totally into you!
    I suppose some level of happiness exists in the social media world-- comedy certainly does-- especially within the realm of politics.  Case in point:
LudwigVonFartmonster73 starts a strand which proudly issues an important directive as though he's conducting a Capitol Hill press conference announcing:
"To all on Facebook, Bernie Sanders is the ONLY choice. Hillary and Trump will legalize the right to carry improvised explosive devices AND outlaw Taco Bell."
    Disturbingly, there are apparently 72 other Ludwig vonFartmonsters.
   
    I'm equally amused by the political "unfriend" posters"
Kassie:  "Unfriend me now if you're voting for Trump or Bernie. These two do NOT HAVE TRUE family values for the people!!!  Ugh. Btw I have an extra ticket for the Scorched Nipple Pussy Clamp concert tonight. Hit me up on PM."

    I believe that numerous valid cases might be argued to "unfriend", block and enter a witness protection program...in real life.  Sigh.

From: Kate--
Hey...your ex is getting married in two weeks.  Wow!

copyright Pontchartrain Press, 2016 All Rights Reserved