Fall Is In The Air...for $12.99

I have a close friend who is well accomplished in many areas, all of which interest me in no way whatsoever. He does, however, offer sage advice periodically and recently offered this scad of positivity:

"...Jim, make time to enjoy the change of seasons."

I agree, except where transition between spring and summer occurs in New Orleans. 

   

   For those who are unfamiliar, spring lasts exactly 17 days in New Orleans, regardless of the calendar. One day it's sunny and 74 and on day 18 the city takes on attributes not unlike my vision of Hell. Surface temperature as that of the bright side of Venus, with 2,000% humidity, hovering idiots trying to bum a cigarette and a nonstop loop of cable news.

Be that as it may, I am keeping eyes wide open for the summer to fall transition and I think that I speak for everyone when I express great excitement that CrabFest is BACK at Red Lobster, placing a thrifty yet tasty punctuation mark on summers end each year.

Obviously, with a slogan such as:

"...an endless array of crab dishes from which to choose..."

We all now fully realize that there's, literally, a dozen ways to utterly fuck up a crab entrée.

I'm in no way a food snob by the way; I actually like every single restaurant on the planet, except for Red Lobster.

 

   God rest her soul, but, my mom really enjoyed the Red Lobster and when I'd visit, occasionally she'd drag me to the home of the 39 minute wait to be seated where we rediscover how badly I've angered God in some way.
Without hesitation, I'd eagerly exclaim:

"...great, I'll get my coat; I already can't decide what to order. I wonder what's fresh off the boat at the bustling seaport of Nashville, Tennessee? Let's hurry."

Mom appreciated my sarcastic humor-- I think it primarily had something to do with her knowledge that it didn't come from her-- since I was adopted at birth. I assume that she was aware that I was adopted since she's the one who told me early on.
As I recall I enjoyed the cheese biscuits and the exit door at Red Lobster.

   Nonetheless, I plan to take my friend's advice and have already begun basking in the air of an autumn to come on a strange new planet...from the west coast, where this morning I was the only person bundled in a coat because it was 56 degrees. So much for blending in I suppose.

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