Friday, September 28, 2018

Summer (Insert feel-good dumb subtitle here)

Because I'm an avid people person, I greatly love visiting with people. None of that is true.   I strongly feel that leaving the house should involve fun things such as:
my laptop
earbuds
any form of nudity
a cocktail or two
an empty table
two drunks fighting over something stupid and...
Netflix

Elsewhere in the summer downtime-- without provocation or express written consent, I've, somehow, inherited a lost or abandoned kitty. Given her abandoned/lost plight, I did the humane thing...I immediately had her euthanized.

In reality, she's now joined me on a blessed life path which involves a lot of crying.

   I'm really not anti social, I simply don't find any level of fun in spending discretionary time sitting at a table watching a handful of my friends texting, between snapping pics of their food while remotely "checking in", binge watching Better Call Saul or searching Wikipedia to investigate things which no one would normally research-- I.e Fox & Friends fan page or "Inventors Killed By Their Own Inventions." Ironic.

   As an added bonus, a couple of my friends, who are also neighbors also happen to be senior citizens-- this always affords a bizarre high speed car chase experience in that I gain valuable insights into precisely everything that is wrong with my life and how it's my fault. Added bonus, I receive a lot of banana bread while becoming an expert at Wheel of Fortune AND I'm now astutely aware of everything that's humanly possible to know about the weather forecast, dewpoint, tropical disturbances, humidity and Realfeel© temp for any given minute of each and every stupid minute of my life.

   I spent some time with my friends at the younger end of the spectrum where I learned more than required about Premier League soccer yet very little about what type of employer allows for all 27 year-olds to get drunk and not be at work at virtually any time of every single day during soccer season-- According to my senior friends, it's because soccer fans are communists-- I hold no opinion. Nonetheless, I'm proud that the younger generation of my friends leave a legacy of: 

-- inventing sex dolls
-- solving complex climate problems
-- doing funny things such as drinking Fireball
-- an inordinate level of nut allergies
-- inventing robotic machines, formerly sex dolls (which I believe will eventually bring about our brutal extinction)

...and they can recite every wacky moment of Good Mythical Morning with Rhett & Link."

Speaking of "Will It Waffle?" out of curiosity, I challenged myself to, nutritiously, feed myself on $13 per week for a month. Unlike Gwyneth Paltrow, I lasted more than three days...with funds STILL left over for sweet tarts. And, for some reason, I watched Lethal Weapon 4.
To answer the question from my friend, Amanda Port: "...what was the highlight of this summer?"
Absolutely nothing. But, I suppose I learned how to answer that question if nothing else.
I enjoyed moments of accidental fun since May by noticing simple stuff... such as watching my cat lick her ass and then stare at me indignantly for a minute and a half before going back to licking her ass again...which I feel strongly would make for an excellent YouTube Live stream.

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